Reports
The latest event reports are listed below.
Watch out!! There's a Humphris about...
Hoult Cup Trial
by Bretton King
Some things in life are predictable - day follows night, autumn
follows summer, Round 3 follows Round 2 in the Swindon club's 2011
Championship and... Rob Scott heads for the title of Club Champion
again!
The first Thursday evening trial of the series was staged at the
ever-changing Crappers recycling centre, where gulleys and cambers were
joined by a hill climb for the first time thanks to the perpetual
earthmoving that goes on at the Wootton Bassett venue. Sections to test
and tease rather than terrorise were marked out by clerk of the course
Bert Kington and helper Sam Linch-Mieal, and, according to all riders,
they did just that. The wooded gulley posed a few questions to the
field, but the main mark stealer turned out to be the innocuous section
7 where the loose earth boulders constantly shifted, making a clear-cut
line impossible. Rob Scott and Michael Johnson both excelled here,
dropping just two each. In fact, the pair were very evenly matched
throughout the evening, except for one moment when Michael managed to
clock a five on the twisty gulley of number 1 and that maximum gave him
too much distance behind Rob. The father-son battle between Martyn and
Ben Wilmore went down to the wire too, Martyn faltering with a last lap
five to give young'un a 3 mark victory over the multi-British champion.
Ex-British Enduro champion Keith "I'm not a wouss" Wooster managed to
complete all the laps on the evening rather than stopping halfway
through the event which has become a trait of his recently, and he
slaughtered the remaining AB opposition by over a hundred marks, so
congratulations to him for getting round the boggy and swampy terrain.
Another predictable feature of the series is a ding-dong battle between
Adrian Steele and Andy Perry, and I'm delighted to report that they
didn't disappoint - on this occasion Adrian took the spoils but Andy is
sure to get revenge next time.
Another father-son combination excelled on the evening as Ollie and Andy
Humphris each won their class. Ollie was particularly impressive as he
rode the Expert route and only dropped 8, which put him second overall
on the evening. The sister-sister duel of the night was Victoria and
Maisie Payne, the former triumphing by 6 marks. Finally, a tie break had
to be used to separate the Over 50 contenders, with Terry Cole
outwitting Graham Lavis by virtue of having one more dab than 'GL!'.
Thanks to all the officials who stood out til dusk - we look forward to
seeing all riders and helpers again on June 19th for Round 4 at the same
venue.
Results
Best Overall Rob Scott (250 Gas Gas) 6 m.l.
Best A Michael Johnson (125 SXS Beta) 11
Best AB Gibber Wooster (290 Sherker) 20
Best B Adrian Steele (300 Gas Gas) 11
Best C Andy Humphris (250 Gas Gas) 13
YB (hard) Ollie Humphris (125 Gas Gas) 8
YA (standard) Bertie Hayes (125 Gas Gas) 35
YB (standard) Victoria Payne (125 RAW Beta) 29
Twinshock Mark Stokes (250 Ossa Gripper) 31
Over 50 Terry Cole (250 Beta) 6
The Muntjac 2011
by Neil PB
First round of the British Enduro Championship and SDMCC have five
riders competing 4 in E3 Clubman Class and 1 in E1 Clubman Class. They
are Keith Wooster (2009 E3 Champion) from now on known as Fritz. You
remember Germanic looking legs! Richard Peaker from now on known as Bic
(because I can). Dave Griffiths (what bridleway) and Lyndon Jack or
Fingers for short and Craig (no I`m ok I`ve brought my own food!)
Beattie. We all set off on Saturday 3 of us in Bic`s camper van and 2 in
Fingers truck towing the trailer full of bikes and kit. Arrive mid
afternoon and set up camp and here comes the rain. We go off to walk the
special test and Knighter is just ahead if us. It’s the closet we are
likely to get to him on the track all weekend. Soaked from walking the
test we get changed and head off into town for beer, grub and all
importantly watch England turn over the French at Rugby. Little did we
realise what a cultural evening we were in for!!
We are in the Flint Knapper pub in Brandon with a beer just started to
watch the rugby when in walks one of our Polish worker friends obviously
a little worse for wear (pissed too be precise). He’s a short stout
gentleman but built like the proverbial brick s!it house. He staggers
towards us removing his hat and coat and asking each and every one of us
“red or black you choose” repeatedly. Being the last in line I need to
make a choice as he’s looking straight at me (I think!) waiting for an
answer. Red I say waiting for what ever comes next. If it’s a punch or
head butt I should be able to cope as he’s so drunk I should see it
coming from a week away and there’s 5 of us to jump on him and pin him
down! But no instead to my surprise I get a pat on the back and a loud
shout of “come on Man Utd and who is blue they are nothing fuck you” The
penny drops and I realise he is on about Man Utd and Wigan game today
Blue not Black. We are put through several rounds of “Red or Blue you
choose fuck you” from are Polish friend while he tries to get a pint of
Hoffmiester off of the woman serving behind the bar. After several times
of telling him they don’t do Hoffmiester and missing the opportunity to
tell the guy he’s had enough the dozy mare gives him a pint of Stella.
We are now told he is 33 years old and asks how old are we and after
each response to his question we get a “fuck you”. It’s all pretty
harmless and quite comical and he even thinks Fingers is a funny guy and
asks him if he wants a fight!
Rugby over we leave to find some where to eat and say goodbye to our new
friend. Who sends us off with a curt “f%ck you”.
Spend a cold night in the tent where the temp drops below freezing and
I’m put through the Chinese water torture. The condensation from my
breath has frozen on the inside of the tent and as it thaws it drips all
over me with annoying regularity but I’m to cold to move.
Get up about 6.30am jump around a bit to warm up then go into Bic`s
camper where the rest of them are still in their warms beds “GITS”.
Kettles on and soon everybody’s up sorting their stuff and taking the
bikes for scrutineering. Bic and I load up the pit trolley and suitably
attired (new red jackets that Bic has bought advertising his timing
business, www.Timingit.com, nice job) head off for the pit area. We see
all the Swindon lads start and go off to see the special test and the
Championship riders through first. An awesome sight they are just so
quick over the ground. We see all the lads through the test and they all
put in reasonable times, head back to the pits for their first stop and
check. All in on time and only two causes for concern. Dave has
forgotten to wash out his camel back and believes he’s poisoned himself
and can’t get rid of the bad taste in his mouth. Lyndon is struggling
again with “duveted” fingers and comments it’s like riding in a big pile
of compost, but decides to carry on. Bic and I both believe they are all
really going to struggle not to loose a fair amount of time. The checks
are really tight and getting tighter for each lap. We are proved right
as the only person not drop any time is Knighter and he only achieves
this with 15sec to spare.
Second test, Craig dumps it and loses time 20 sec compared to his first
test time and is not happy, but finishes 14th Clubman 4th E1/4. Fritz
ups his game on the second test and puts in a 20 sec quicker lap
finishing 26th Clubman 8th E3. Dave not use to there being no Bridleways
puts in a slower second lap, sighting lack of fluids a big factor but
still finishes a credible 50th Clubman 12th E3. Fingers retires after 2
laps with fast asleep fingers at this point we now believe they are
comatose. He has enjoyed the experience and best of all for me was to
watch him go through the second test pirouetting around the first few
corners without a care in the world waving at the spectators, priceless!
Pack up and home. Another great weekend had by one and all with many
stories to regale especially our Polish friend with his eloquent use of
the English language. Red or Blue is stuck in my head. Still a new
greeting for club nights I suppose!!
Thanks to the lads for putting up with me but I’m not sleeping in that
bloody tent again. Sorry for the delay in writing this report very busy
at work and recent laser eye surgery has hampered my abilities!!! If you
believe that you’ll believe anything. Now selling my bike to pay for
said surgery so all offers welcome. (I'll give you a £1 for the
'berg! - webmaster)
I hope to be riding in the next event so someone else will have to take
on the mantle of Pit Bitch. Won’t be the wife though for some reason she
doesn’t like to be called a bitch?
Sorry but camera broke again so only
a few photos.
By Bretton King
Fears that the neighbouring centre's Wallace Cup National S3 opener would deplete entries for the Swindon DMC's second round of the club championship proved unfounded last weekend when a batch of 55 riders disembarked onto platform 2 of the Old Station Yard venue at Hannington. Riders chuffed in from far and wide to do battle over a 4 lap 10 section course in dry yet chilly conditions over the cambered slopes that feature there.
SNOWRUN ENDURO, Sunday 13th February - by Neil Brown
Full article with photos can be downloaded here in PDF format
Ah here is my ride I mean limo! In other words Herman
Wolfgang Villy Von Vooster (on account of his Germanic looking legs) has
arrived to take us to the Snow Run Enduro. Aptly named seeing its
blowing a gale and persisting with rain should be renamed as Mid
Atlantic Force 10 Storm dumped on Wales. I`m going with Keith and
Richard “why because I can” Peaker in Keith`s van with 2 bikes why 2
bikes because I bottled it on entering the event and in hindsight I`m
glad I did seeing the state of some of the competitors coming into the
pits.
Lyndon`s taking his truck (I wonder how he’s doing
remembering to bring all his kit, gloves, petrol, bike etc even the disc
lock key has been forgotten before, it’s like having a 40 year old son
to worry about) with “Wing Nut” Andy Willis later to be known as Master
Blaster and Dave “The Furniture I love to watch Lyndon drown his bike”
Griffiths. New to the parenting game and boy has he got a shock coming
Craig Beattie is driving up later with Mark “The Blister” Page.
Looks like I’ve got my work cut out being a Pit
Bitch for this lot! Still being the eldest I have informed them all that
I`m not too old to slap each and every one of them if they take
liberties.
Uneventful journey to Richards cottage in
Alltyblacca (to pronounce this correctly you need to have a heavy cold)
and no comments were made on Keith’s driving abilities all journey what
so ever!!!
Unloading the van when I hear lots of fuss and
expletives coming from the Central Heating oil tank. Richards good
environmental intentions of using some reclaimed “gas oil” from Swindon
may have back fired as he may well of just fed the tank with either
Truck cleaner, Concrete sealer or some other chemical yet to be
determined but if anybody knows what is reddish, pink coloured and goes
frothy when added to heating oil please let us know? After much debate
we decide it’s too cold to do anything and put the boiler on and see if
this stuff burns? Watch this space.
All the others arrive safely and as usual much piss
taking, ribbing and whinging takes place during the evening curry and
bear. Andy now known as Master Blaster wins hands down the old
Gentlemen’s game of who can break wind the loudest and longest and
having achieved this feat for over an hour and with his efforts leaving
a parting in the shag pile rug he was sat on it’s not surprising he
looked unwell before retiring to bed. Well done Andy we were all
impressed.
I was disturbed several times during the night by a
loud knocking noise only for it to stop as soon as I wake up to
investigate. Lyndon informs me in the morning that it was him trying to
stop me snoring. I apologise profusely and promise not to consume before
going to bed a Chicken Tika Bulti,
Nan bread, cheese and biscuits, real ale and red wine if we are to share
a room again. If he believes that he`ll believe anything!
Breakfast done and all vehicles loaded we head off to Llandovery and
Cynghordy for the start of the event. It takes a lot longer than we
anticipate and after several dropped calls (no signal) from Lyndon who
cannot find the start, pit area and Keith doing a little of the course
in his van (sneaky preview I think) we arrive at the start with not much
time for scrutineering and signing on. Whilst this is happening I change
into my waterproof clothing and OH boy do I need it it`s hammering down
and blowing a hoolie. The signing on marquee is held down by a truck and
still bouncing around in the wind threatening to lift off with all
inside and end up in England - quick way home me thinks. Once
waterproofed I start to set up the pit area. Craig’s off first his
kits there so I sort out what’s what, goggles, drink, petrol etc.
At this stage we are joined by Neil Ashton from up North, not his fault,
never mind nice lad anyway. Everybody makes the start and I see
them off one by one.
Time
to kill they will be at least 1 hour 15 min to 1 hour 30 mins before
they are back, check the pits, cup of tea to warm up and try to stay
out of the bad weather. I promise to stay at the pits to watch and
check everybody through the first lap, and then I was going to walk out
into the forest to see some action. On enquiring with the Marshalls it
seems I'd have to walk a bloody long way before I see anything just a
couple of miles in either direction of fire road!! Sod that I'm soaking
as it is! Neil’s in first with Craig hot on his heels- fuel, new goggles
and drink, time 5mins before their check. Never heard Craig swear so
much a young lad next to me waiting for his dad to come in was all ears
and told his mum as soon as Craig had left. Got talking to the mum
firstly apologising for the language and stated that although Craig was
part of the SDMCC he was originally from the Manchester area, explains a
lot she replies! Are you the Swindon lot she asks? Oh god I think
what have we done, I'm sure we didn't drink that much last night I can
remember most of it. She informs me that the word around the pits is
that we didn't like what we saw and we were on our way back to Swindon
as earlier on in the morning a black truck with three bikes on
(recognised by the bike numbers) was on its way back to Buillth
following an ambulance. Turns out guess who Lyndon, (lost again)
following the ambulance believing it to be going to the start only to
find out it was heading into the forest to a pre ordained strategic
spot, more than likely where Craig crashes.
Keith
was next in with 7 minutes to spare same routine as before, drink,
petrol, goggles and gloves. Dave is in now and gets the same treatment
both say the course is ride-able but difficult plenty of horrible slots
you just have to waddle through if that's the correct term. Both
go off for their second lap and this time 2 timed tests. Now waiting for
Richard, Lyndon, Andy and Mark to come in. Lyndon is in first and on
time but informs me he has dropped 4 mins on the last check and can’t go
out until 12:04. He has lost the felling in his fingers and believes 2
of them have duvet`ed What!! He explains that they feel like they’re
still under the duvet when the rest of him is out of bed and rearing to
go. Andy`s in next and has had enough "one lap to many" he says and
concedes that doing another lap maybe foolish and we all have to go to
work and make a living. So decides to quit while he’s ahead sensible
lad. Lyndon decides to give his fingers more time to wake up and come
out from under the duvet. Richards in now and he and Lyndon agree to
carry on but only if they ride it as a trial, greenlaning style and
promptly shoot off. Mark is in now and enjoying it although admits it’s
hard work and has dropped some time.
Andy`s
goes off to change and stow his kit and the best part gets me a cup of
tea I`m bloody soaked and cold! I see the rest of them through their
remaining laps without incident and then start to clear the pits and
load up the van for the journey home.
Scores
on the doors
Craig Beattie 9th Expert 3rd E1
and gains notoriety in Enduro News report and supporting Utube clip
including setting a new Guinness world record for "cameraman getting out
the way of oncoming bike and rider whilst soiling himself”. Well done
Craig Silver.
Dave
Griffiths 10th Vet Expert 3rd E3 a great effort seeing as he has a dodgy
liver so say, more investigation into this excuse sorry I mean reason is
required. Bronze.
Hats
off now to our Chairman Keith he came in 5th Clubman 3rd E3 and dropped
no time, a great achievement seeing as he has not ridden competitively
since the Natter jack in 2009. I`m sure it’s down to those German
efficient legs!! Silver Well done Chairman Fritz.
Lyndon
and Richard come after 1 3/4 laps with big smiles and satisfaction at
what they`ve achieved, Lyndon`s fingers are still under the duvet.
Mark
Page 27th Clubman mid table a grand effort and guess what no blisters.
Bronze.
A
great weekend was had by one and all with much merriment and escapades
to be talked about at club nights for many a time to come. I would like
to thank all at WTRA for a great event and the lads I went with for
taking me along. I know it was only to be a Pit Bitch but I really
enjoyed myself although I`m still trying to dry my kit out after a week.
Sorry for the lack of photos the camera filled with rain water so I need
to get an underwater one for next year.
Roll
on the next event the Muntjack.
Neil
P.B
'Freegard frenzy favours Franklin
There can’t be many occasions when the
effects of snow and ice can be viewed positively, but